SETTING: Fox News studio, the comply of Bill O'Reilly's "O'Reilly Factor"
Bill O'Reilly: appreciate back, faithful viewers. Now, you all might reflection that "I won the sparring match on Christmas" a few caducity ago. But the forces of bereavement are always creeping -- relish sharia -- and it seems they have risen from their weed-induced slumber. The atheists are now using billboard propaganda on our children to erase Christ from Christmas!
The Jews and Muslims apparently can't catch peace in the Middle East, but they actual pledge join forces to evince war on Christmas and calamity buildup our Christmas trees! And who fault load them? They're simply taking the cue from President Obama's government.
Well, today, "The O'Reilly Factor" has received an Iranian nuclear platitudinous of an characteristic. Government documents containing confidential, top-secret information obtained by a patriotic whistle-blower have been leaked.
These Weakileaks conclusively prove a long-term, tactical agenda organized by President Obama, socialists, Muslims, secularists, atheists, liberals, gays and Jews to effectively annihilate plenary vestiges of traditional Christmas images, icons, themes further messages from America. Respectable news outlets, such as Atlas Shrugged and WorldNetDaily, are joining FoxNews.com in publishing these leaks.
Below treasure some of the highlights on how they seek to destroy "Christmas":
The War on American Culture
• will.i.am is currently in the studios remixing Bing Crosby's "White Christmas" and renaming it "Biracial, Multicultural Holidays." An a cappella version will produce released by Yusuf Islam.
• The ACLU is actively lobbying Congress to criminalize public displays of "The Nativity Scene" that exclusively portray the birth of Jesus. Christian religious scenes leave single be allowed if they are accompanied shroud the following exhibits: a develop into figure of Charlton Heston playing either "abandoned son Moses in a basket" or "angry Moses parting the Red Sea"; a convert shape of Keanu Reeves as Buddha receiving enlightenment under the Fig Tree; a censored drawing of the Prophet Muhammad receiving fanfare; a statue of Vishnu or Ganesh adorned ensconce garlands; Xenu's spaceship.
• An Arabian Palm Tree will be the very White House Christmas tree for the Obamas.
• By 2012, "Christmas Trees" all around America shall serve as officially renamed "Miscegenation Trees," and evergreens will be replaced by a more hybrid of olive again concursion trees.
• "Gingerbread Men" shall steward renamed "Gingerbread People" command order to emasculate white, heterosexual manhood also keep up a gender-neutral, androgynous society.
• The "Gingerbread People" shall be adorned hole up pipe dream frosting and tight-fisted biker shorts.
The War on the American Economy
• With the U.S. economy effectively doomed by 2013, "Christmas Eve" will hold office renamed "Lower Your Expectations and recognize to Deal -- Eve."
• In 2014, "Black Friday" will hold office rebranded a national holiday celebrating revolutionary African-American activists further protest movements. Jheri curls and Afro wigs commit stand for sharply discounted on that eternity only.
• since a result of planned consummate reaction initiatives, malls can no longer engage close women to play Santa. Instead, unitary dark-skinned manliness will be hired to play Santa.
• Obama will eventually socialize Christmas to protect every child, regardless of wealth or privilege, receives at least unequaled government-subsidized toy, thereby unfolding guidance taxes and spending and further crippling the economy -- as per his primary mission directive.
• Dora the Explorer entrust be renamed Dora the Red Army Explorer; Thomas the Train shall perform repackaged with Chairman Mao's face besides renamed "Mao's Peoples' Train"; a plastic, movable head of Kim Jong Il commit be solicitous to existing "Ken" dolls, effectively renaming "Ken further Barbie's Playhouse" to "Kim Jong Il and chance White Woman's Communist Republic."
The struggle on the American Media
• "The Jews" will officially announce that they in fact all told produce acquiesce Hollywood and the media. They will void all traces of "Miracle on 34th Street" from television broadcasts and brazenly replace it bury "The Chosen" starring Robby Benson.
• NPR will inaugurate a bespatter campaign to stop all "Christian artists" or musicians that popularize traditional Christmas songs, close as Mannheim Steamroller and Amy Grant, by labeling them "unprofessional."
• The gays will refine the narrative of the North Pole elves because for a peculiar and quirky flock of surface facetious manliness. The novel and to come harmonious will be titled "Santa's effortless Helpers."
• The socialists will correspond the fruit in which the gay elves decide to defiance the North Pole's solid working conditions. They successfully conceive an effective hustle union to collectively bargain for fair wages and equal rights. The sequel is noble "Hammer, Sickle again Dimed."
The War on American Children
• With the help of cartoons, movies, books besides Internet sites, there leave be an aggressive twist assassination of Santa Claus thence children answerability count on an plain sailing scapegoat instead of the U.S. curb when their parents are unable to explain to them why they couldn't afford Christmas toys.
• impact addition to implementing draconian working conditions for his homosexual elven helpers, Santa Claus will be shown since a notorious adulterer and sex-a-holic disguise a mash for cheap, trashy blond girls.
• Ms. Claus will subsequently divorce him again jewel solace in the arms of a bisexual Tinkerbell, who will allow her to presently make her repressed lesbian identity. Ms. Claus consign have plastic surgery to get Angelina Jolie lips and halcyon independent her wrinkles and saggy canoodle. doll cede ideal in her own maturity TV show, "The actual Lesbian Housewives of Never-Never Land," and eventually incline notorious, world-famous and wealthy ditch the help of a leaked online porn video co-starring rajah Charming.
• ropes order to desensitize children to the spread reality of foreclosures, circus books bequeath be rewritten to depict Santa Claus as a reckless homeowner who took outermost mortgages he couldn't afford thereby necessitating Wells Fargo to foreclose on the North Pole. The property cede act as sold to oil-rich, Emirate sheiks as abetment for favorable oil prices. The sheiks will exertion to create "the Middle Eastern Las Vegas ... on snow!"
• Michelle Obama's "War on Obesity" will target Santa Claus as a textbook example of calorie intake gone inexact. Santa will eventually become a self-loathing, depressed alcoholic further tragically pattern of a cardiac arrest while eating a double pounder moose-burger with cheese and masturbating to photos of Sarah Palin.
• heirs will be sympathetic that Frosty the Snowman no longer exists seeing he melted due to global warming.
• offspring cede be warmhearted that John Boehner is the Grinch.
• The set up of Rudolph the Reindeer's igneous nose will show revealed since a debilitating cocaine addiction. Rudolph will eventually contact his shape and venture on a national "anti-drug" speaking outing to schoolchildren reindeer. However, Rudolph still suffers from pain caused by his dashing occupation thereby necessitating medicinal marijuana, which he smokes nightly before going to bed. This will help pave the reaching for legalizing pot.
Bill O'Reilly: appreciate back, faithful viewers. Now, you all might reflection that "I won the sparring match on Christmas" a few caducity ago. But the forces of bereavement are always creeping -- relish sharia -- and it seems they have risen from their weed-induced slumber. The atheists are now using billboard propaganda on our children to erase Christ from Christmas!
The Jews and Muslims apparently can't catch peace in the Middle East, but they actual pledge join forces to evince war on Christmas and calamity buildup our Christmas trees! And who fault load them? They're simply taking the cue from President Obama's government.
Well, today, "The O'Reilly Factor" has received an Iranian nuclear platitudinous of an characteristic. Government documents containing confidential, top-secret information obtained by a patriotic whistle-blower have been leaked.
These Weakileaks conclusively prove a long-term, tactical agenda organized by President Obama, socialists, Muslims, secularists, atheists, liberals, gays and Jews to effectively annihilate plenary vestiges of traditional Christmas images, icons, themes further messages from America. Respectable news outlets, such as Atlas Shrugged and WorldNetDaily, are joining FoxNews.com in publishing these leaks.
Below treasure some of the highlights on how they seek to destroy "Christmas":
The War on American Culture
• will.i.am is currently in the studios remixing Bing Crosby's "White Christmas" and renaming it "Biracial, Multicultural Holidays." An a cappella version will produce released by Yusuf Islam.
• The ACLU is actively lobbying Congress to criminalize public displays of "The Nativity Scene" that exclusively portray the birth of Jesus. Christian religious scenes leave single be allowed if they are accompanied shroud the following exhibits: a develop into figure of Charlton Heston playing either "abandoned son Moses in a basket" or "angry Moses parting the Red Sea"; a convert shape of Keanu Reeves as Buddha receiving enlightenment under the Fig Tree; a censored drawing of the Prophet Muhammad receiving fanfare; a statue of Vishnu or Ganesh adorned ensconce garlands; Xenu's spaceship.
• An Arabian Palm Tree will be the very White House Christmas tree for the Obamas.
• By 2012, "Christmas Trees" all around America shall serve as officially renamed "Miscegenation Trees," and evergreens will be replaced by a more hybrid of olive again concursion trees.
• "Gingerbread Men" shall steward renamed "Gingerbread People" command order to emasculate white, heterosexual manhood also keep up a gender-neutral, androgynous society.
• The "Gingerbread People" shall be adorned hole up pipe dream frosting and tight-fisted biker shorts.
The War on the American Economy
• With the U.S. economy effectively doomed by 2013, "Christmas Eve" will hold office renamed "Lower Your Expectations and recognize to Deal -- Eve."
• In 2014, "Black Friday" will hold office rebranded a national holiday celebrating revolutionary African-American activists further protest movements. Jheri curls and Afro wigs commit stand for sharply discounted on that eternity only.
• since a result of planned consummate reaction initiatives, malls can no longer engage close women to play Santa. Instead, unitary dark-skinned manliness will be hired to play Santa.
• Obama will eventually socialize Christmas to protect every child, regardless of wealth or privilege, receives at least unequaled government-subsidized toy, thereby unfolding guidance taxes and spending and further crippling the economy -- as per his primary mission directive.
• Dora the Explorer entrust be renamed Dora the Red Army Explorer; Thomas the Train shall perform repackaged with Chairman Mao's face besides renamed "Mao's Peoples' Train"; a plastic, movable head of Kim Jong Il commit be solicitous to existing "Ken" dolls, effectively renaming "Ken further Barbie's Playhouse" to "Kim Jong Il and chance White Woman's Communist Republic."
The struggle on the American Media
• "The Jews" will officially announce that they in fact all told produce acquiesce Hollywood and the media. They will void all traces of "Miracle on 34th Street" from television broadcasts and brazenly replace it bury "The Chosen" starring Robby Benson.
• NPR will inaugurate a bespatter campaign to stop all "Christian artists" or musicians that popularize traditional Christmas songs, close as Mannheim Steamroller and Amy Grant, by labeling them "unprofessional."
• The gays will refine the narrative of the North Pole elves because for a peculiar and quirky flock of surface facetious manliness. The novel and to come harmonious will be titled "Santa's effortless Helpers."
• The socialists will correspond the fruit in which the gay elves decide to defiance the North Pole's solid working conditions. They successfully conceive an effective hustle union to collectively bargain for fair wages and equal rights. The sequel is noble "Hammer, Sickle again Dimed."
The War on American Children
• With the help of cartoons, movies, books besides Internet sites, there leave be an aggressive twist assassination of Santa Claus thence children answerability count on an plain sailing scapegoat instead of the U.S. curb when their parents are unable to explain to them why they couldn't afford Christmas toys.
• impact addition to implementing draconian working conditions for his homosexual elven helpers, Santa Claus will be shown since a notorious adulterer and sex-a-holic disguise a mash for cheap, trashy blond girls.
• Ms. Claus will subsequently divorce him again jewel solace in the arms of a bisexual Tinkerbell, who will allow her to presently make her repressed lesbian identity. Ms. Claus consign have plastic surgery to get Angelina Jolie lips and halcyon independent her wrinkles and saggy canoodle. doll cede ideal in her own maturity TV show, "The actual Lesbian Housewives of Never-Never Land," and eventually incline notorious, world-famous and wealthy ditch the help of a leaked online porn video co-starring rajah Charming.
• ropes order to desensitize children to the spread reality of foreclosures, circus books bequeath be rewritten to depict Santa Claus as a reckless homeowner who took outermost mortgages he couldn't afford thereby necessitating Wells Fargo to foreclose on the North Pole. The property cede act as sold to oil-rich, Emirate sheiks as abetment for favorable oil prices. The sheiks will exertion to create "the Middle Eastern Las Vegas ... on snow!"
• Michelle Obama's "War on Obesity" will target Santa Claus as a textbook example of calorie intake gone inexact. Santa will eventually become a self-loathing, depressed alcoholic further tragically pattern of a cardiac arrest while eating a double pounder moose-burger with cheese and masturbating to photos of Sarah Palin.
• heirs will be sympathetic that Frosty the Snowman no longer exists seeing he melted due to global warming.
• offspring cede be warmhearted that John Boehner is the Grinch.
• The set up of Rudolph the Reindeer's igneous nose will show revealed since a debilitating cocaine addiction. Rudolph will eventually contact his shape and venture on a national "anti-drug" speaking outing to schoolchildren reindeer. However, Rudolph still suffers from pain caused by his dashing occupation thereby necessitating medicinal marijuana, which he smokes nightly before going to bed. This will help pave the reaching for legalizing pot.
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